Your world is probably falling apart right now.
Your partner found out you cheated.
You did not tell them.
They found out.
I’m guessing they went through your phone.
Or maybe someone else told them.
Either way, it wasn’t you.
Which in the eyes of your partner, probably makes it all worse.
They may have even asked you, and you lied.
You lied because you didn’t know that they knew.
I’m sure that also only made things worse.
Because they KNEW and had proof.
So you had to come clean.
So not only are you now accused of being a cheater, but also a liar.
And your world is crashing down.
For there may be no coming back from this for your relationship.
So you are hurt. And you hurt that your partner hurts.
And it all feels even worse because you feel it’s your fault.
And it’s hard to reach out to others for support because you did something “wrong” and fear they will judge you and chastise you.
So you are alone, trying to figure out where you might live, what you might do next, and what else the fallout might be.
Please know you are still a human. A human is worthy of love.
I don’t see you as a cheater. You are a human who cheated.
I don’t see you as a liar. You are a human who lied.
I also have the benefit of getting to stand back and look at things from afar. You see, I am a therapist. I am a secret keeper of people’s darkest deeds and hardest moments.
I have worked with many people who cheated.
They were not bad people.
In fact, they were people I deeply enjoyed and cared about.
They were people in relationships that were unsatisfying. They were people who met their unfulfilled needs by cheating.
There are reasons we do the things we do. Take the missteps we take.
This space that you are in right now - it is rich with information. You can use this incredible low in your life to slowly assess and create a life that does meet your needs.
You can attend to yourself. You can learn and understand what motivated your choices.
You can use that information to better understand yourself and your needs.
You can learn how to meet them for yourself.
You will be able to choose relationships that honor your needs when you know what they are and are willing to protect and reinforce them.
So no, I don’t think less of you.
I feel deeply for you in this moment of suffering.
I wish the best for you and everyone who is impacted by this difficult time.
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