Dearest Human Who Is Afraid of Being Alone

First off, let me tell you, it’s actually pretty great being alone.

Second, we might need to get on the same page about “alone.”

I’m guessing what you mean by “alone” is being single, with no partner, living alone, and no one to support you.

Pencil sketch by Jackie Schuld

Yeah, I would be scared of that, too.

In our culture, it can be pretty hard to make friends and build a community of support.

It can feel like all we have in the world is our partner - and sometimes that is the actual truth.

So yes, in that scenario, I would also be afraid of ending a relationship to be “alone.”

Many people find themselves in painful relationships, but are even more afraid of the pain of being alone.

So they choose known pain over the pain of the unknown.

I’m here to tell you that yes, being “alone” will be painful at first.

And then, it gets so much better.

If you let yourself be alone (meaning not jump into another relationship), you have space to discover what you really like. You have space to develop the schedule you like. You have space to be bored and then discover new hobbies and interests. You have space for problems to arise (whether internal or external), and then decide how you would like to solve them. You learn an immense amount yourself.

Being alone will also provide new motivation to make friends and slowly grow your support.

As you keep crafting a life that feels good to you, it keeps getting better and better.

I live alone (sort of, I do live with my beloved dog). I don’t feel “alone.” I love my time to myself. I enjoy the solitude, getting to craft new things, write essays like this one, or try something new.

I also love that I know all of my neighbors. I have friends I regularly check in on and who regularly check in on me. I didn’t always have these things, but I poured energy and intention into them like never before once I realized how much I needed people.

I’m not saying you need to accept a life of being single. Or that once you “come to the dark side” you’ll never go back.

I’m saying being alone is a wonderful opportunity to get to know yourself, discover why it is hard for you to be alone, and slowly learn how to be happy whether you have a relationship or not.

It becomes a place of choice.

Which is far more powerful than feeling your only options are a painful relationship or the darkness of being alone.

With Love and Happiness,

Jackie

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