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This is a letter in my series where I write to the emotions present in my life.
Dear Humility,
I don’t think about you very much. I hope that doesn’t mean you’re not present in my life. It’s just that I have very few moments that I think, “Oh, I need some Humility in my life.”
It’s probably because I spend so much time with Fear that it feels I have so little need for you.
Fear and I have an intimate relationship. We talk all about my business, my life, my autistic identity, and more. There’s so much we’re figuring out together. So much we don’t know.
It almost feels like you’re there with us, as we acknowledge how much we don’t know and how much we’d like to know. Who we are and who we’d like to be. How we feel and how we’d like to feel. We see those gaps very clearly.
So it’s like you’re there as a silent witness to it all. Would you like to speak more often? Do you have things to say?
I’m not sure how well Fear would handle that. They’re kind of jealous of you. As you know, Fear gets a pretty bad rap. Yet you, no one talks shit about you. No one says, “They just need less Humility” or “Conquer your Humility.” No one wants to dominate you, control you, or obliterate you.
I’d guess that most people think it’s a good thing if you’re around.
And yet, it’s not like I see you on many people’s “goals” list. New Year’s Resolution 2023: Have More Humility. Sorry, but I just don’t see that.
So you’re valued, but not aspired to. What a weird mix. Maybe that’s also why I don’t think of you often. I’m continually looking at ways to grow and improve.
Though admittedly, more and more I’m examining ways I can just be. So maybe you’d like to join me in that space. I’m not really sure what we’ll do together. Oh wait, I guess that’s the point in “being,” we’re not focusing on “doing.”
So if you want to come be with me, lemme know.
Consider it an open invitation.
Warmly,
Jackie
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