Dearest Human Who Wishes They Wouldn’t Wake up Tomorrow

You’re probably in immense pain right now.

As a human and a therapist, it’s a sentiment I hear more often than people might guess.

It usually comes from people who are exhausted.

Who have tried really hard to change, but it still isn’t getting better.

Who have tried everything they can think of to improve their relationships with their loved ones, but it isn’t working.

Watercolor illustration by Jackie Schuld, originally drawn for her book "Grief is a Mess"

They feel hopeless.

They think it will never get better.

For even when they try a little bit and it starts to improve, they end up messing up again.

Many times, it’s not massive life mistakes.

It’s more like being trapped in molasses. They keep trying to escape the sadness and the spiraling thoughts, but nothing seems to work.

They would never actively kill themselves, but the thought of going to bed and not waking up the next day sounds relieving.

I’m not here to tell you it’s not that bad.

Or to dust yourself off and say a few things you’re grateful for.

If you’re wishing you could die, it probably is bad.

It probably is very, very painful and dark.

There is probably little you can do to drag yourself out of the pit of molasses.

You need someone else.

It is time to request help.

Maybe you’ve asked for help before and been turned down. Maybe you don’t have friends you can rely on. Maybe part of the molasses is that you feel so alone.

It is time to request help in a new way.

This is the moment you need to call a therapist or a support organization.

When you’re covered in molasses, you cannot see properly. You need someone with a fresh perspective who can help you get out of it and slowly remove the stickiness.

If the effort of finding a therapist or support organization is too much, then it might be time to call a crisis line. To say, “Hey, it’s dark in here and I need some help.” (National Suicide Prevention Line: 1-800-273-8255).

If you’ve tried therapy and it didn’t help, it’s time for a new therapist. Therapists use vastly different methods and approaches. It is worth another try.

I don’t want you to stay in the molasses.

I don’t want you to suffer.

I want more for you, just as you do.

With love,

Jackie