This is a letter in my series where I write letters to the emotions that show up in my life.
Alright, I admit it, we’re not really friends.
Whenever you show up, I’m not a fan. Your presence makes me miss my other friends, like Focus, Inspiration, Purpose, and Creativity.
I guess the issue is that I don’t know what to do with you when you show up. Nothing I think of seems good enough or satisfying to you. You shoot everything down before I even try anything. I’d love to consult my other friends, but they run out the back door the minute you show up.
I really wish Clarity would stick around to help me figure out what to do with you. Or maybe even understand why you came in the first place.
Why do you come when you know we don’t get along?
Typically, we enjoy being around others that like us. So I’m guessing you don’t enjoy being around me very much… because I really don’t like you.
There, I said it. I know I’m not supposed to be direct when communicating something potentially harmful. If my mother was still alive, she’d chastise me right now.
Though another hard truth is that my mother never liked it when you came to play with me either. She always tried to shoo us out of the room. She’d get just as frustrated. She just wouldn’t say it. But I could feel it.
That’s what’s weird about not saying our full truths. Sometimes I can sense when people aren’t telling me their full truth. I’m sure others sense when I’m not telling my full truth either.
Can you sense that most people don’t like you? That they’re just nice to your face, but secretly can’t wait till you go?
I can’t imagine it’s a very pleasant experience for you.
So instead of shooing you out the door, I’ll try to commune with you for a moment. Try to understand what motivates you. That’s one thing - you sure have a lot of gumption to keep on going places when so unwanted.
In recalling what happened just before you came, Should had just showed up. He sat right on my couch and just unloaded. Telling me all things I hadn’t gotten to, like my laundry, cleaning my house, picking up the journal I left at the office, taking Egon on a walk, writing more, and the like. Should was so grouchy that Joy left. I then had no desire to work on any of my passion projects, like my collages or my puzzles. Though I certainly didn’t want to do the things that Should was suggesting.
I guess that’s when you showed up. So I guess it makes sense now. I know you and Should are good friends. So maybe if I convince Should to leave you’ll go to? In a nice way of course. Send you on your lovely way with some homemade fudge.
If you have any other ideas or requests, please let me know. I know we’re not fond of each other, but I’m sure we can come to an amicable solution.
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