A Letter to One Who Showered Me in Love

Dear Grandma,

Today is my last day of seeing clients at my art therapy studio. I wish you were here to discuss it. You were the one person who always showed a vested interest in me building my own business. You asked the best questions. You really helped me to feel seen and understood.

You somehow held that middleground where you encouraged me in my endeavors, and acknowledged how difficult they were. You were able to watch me work through my fears (well truthfully, cycle through them over and over haha), and reach levels that you and I never suspected.

Continuous Line Illustration by Jackie Schuld

We never thought I would have a waiting list so soon.

We never thought I would restructure my entire business so that I could see a niche population and reduce my client hours.

We never thought I could charge what I do.

There was just so much of me poured into my business, and you could see that and honor that.

That’s why it is surreal to close my in-person studio and you not be here to witness. You would have celebrated with me. For this is not a shutting down of my business, but an evolution. What I have created has allowed me the flexibility to do what I want. I am able to move to be with my husband and continue my business online. We never thought I could do that.

My life is so good now.

You and I didn’t talk as much in my 20’s. That was when mom was alive. I think you and I both primarily talked to mom. I always relished my visits to you, but our conversations were reserved for those times.

After mom died, you and I became much closer. I don’t know what I would have done without you these past 9 years. I’m so grateful that you got to see me come to a place of inner and outer stability. I’m glad I was able to experience your love.

It actually makes it less painful now that you are gone. I am full of so much gratitude for all that you gave me. When I miss you on days like today, I am grateful I had the opportunity to experience such selfless love and attention from you.

I am also grateful that my husband and I found each other before you passed. I think having his love in my life makes your absence a little bit easier to bear. He loves me the way you did. So maybe your love helped me to recognize good love.

Thank you for that.

Who knows where my journey will take me from here. Who knows if you will ever get to see this letter. But I hope you know how much you meant to my life.

With Love,

Jackie

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