A Letter to My Family Who Ignores that I'm Autistic

Dear Family Who Ignores that I’m Autistic,

I wish you cared that I’m autistic.

When I told you over a year ago, you blankly stared at me. You didn’t have much to say at all in fact. That’s ok, I know it can be pretty overwhelming information.

What hurt is that you never asked any follow up questions. I tried to bring it back up at other times again, but it was still met with the same quiet stares, or a change of subject.

"Awkward Autism" Illustration by Jackie Schuld

I’ve always felt very distant from you. Like you didn’t know me or understand me.

Now I feel like I hold the key to understanding who I am and how I move in the world. And you don’t care.

I wish you would ask me a question.

I wish you would read an article or a book.

I wish you would ask me to recommend something if you don’t know where to start.

I wish you would even acknowledge that I’m autistic.

It feels like this huge elephant in the room.

My whole life is now centered around autism. I am a therapist who specializes in autism. All of my writing is about autism. I fly to conferences for autism. I finally am in a successful relationship because we both understand my autistic needs.

There is so much of me you are missing now.

I could force the topic again, but what would that do? I’ve done that so many other times in the past with other things to know that usually ends in pain.

So I’ll keep offering gentle openings to the subject.

But oh how I wish I didn’t have to. I wish you actually cared. I wish I could know what is going on in that mind of yours. Have you forgotten? Do you think I’m wrong and ludicrous and that’s why you don’t want to talk about it? Are you scared you might upset me? Do you just not think it’s that big of a deal?

I hope one day we can talk on this level. I hope one day you can truly know me.

With a broken heart,

Jackie

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