Dearest Physical Exhaustion

This is a letter from my series in which I write to emotions that are present in my life.

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Dearest Physical Exhaustion,

I am trying to honor your presence in my life, but sometimes it’s really hard to know what you want.

Do you want me to do nothing and attend to you?

Or do you need a pick me up, like lifting some weights or dancing around?

It’s really hard to know because sometimes I feel great afterward, and sometimes it makes it worse.

I guess what I’m saying is that we need to improve our level of communication.

I am trying to do everything I can to help you, but I’m not sure if it’s the right things. I’m sleeping a good amount at night. I’m eating lots of nutrient-dense food. I’m working out. I’m taking breaks to move throughout the day. I’m attending to my emotional needs.

And yet, I just woke up from eight hours of good sleep and here you are. My body feels stiff. It aches a little to move. I’d like to just lie on the couch.

This is after a three day weekend full of all the good aforementioned things.

Alright, I know there are some difficult things too. It’s 107 F every day. The heat is exhausting. I danced a lot this weekend too. Then there’s the lingering effects of the vaccine on my muscles. The doctor didn’t know how long the adverse reaction would last … but over a year seems like a long time.

"Exhausted" Sketchy by Jackie Schuld

Do you have any idea?

It’s the not knowing that is hard. As well as you usually impact my mind, too. Here it is, a beautiful Monday morning all ready to work, and you’re sitting on my lap.

Just know, I genuinely care about you and I’m listening. I’m doing everything I can.

If there’s something better I could be doing, could you please let me know?

Or maybe you just need a vacation? I would be happy to sponsor it. You just tell me where you want to go and I’ll buy you a plane ticket.

I doubt you’ll tell me though. So until you can communicate better, I’ll just keep doing what feels good. Which I guess for now will be some gentle stretching.

Could you lighten up after that though, because I have some things I’d like to get too.

With Frustrated Love,

Jackie

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