This is the second in a series of letters I wrote to a growth on my head in the summer.
Dearest Growth on My Head,
Last week I wrote you a letter to suggest an agreement about your position on my forehead.
The agreement was that you wouldn’t keep growing and I would let you stay.
I didn’t hear back from you, and it was almost like you became even more scaly. Admittedly, that could be because of the amount I touch you, my new habit of daily swimming in a chlorinated pool, or just this wretched summer heat.
I wasn’t sure though. For all I know your scaly development could have been a passive aggressive move after I sent you my letter.
I guess it doesn’t really matter now. You’re gone. You’re in a lab somewhere as I go about my life with some vaseline on my head where you used to exist.
It all happened so quickly. On Monday my sister visited. When she saw you, she insisted I go to the dermatologist at once. She also thought you had grown alarmingly fast and had a weird texture.
She made the good point that I have a dermatologist I love. Plus, she worried that if I wait until my annual skin check, you’d be ginormous.
So I called the dermatologist that day and she was able to fit me on Friday. She shaved you right off.
I thought I was going to have to pay for you since you were technically a cosmetic procedure. However, since you had grown so fast, she said she wanted to ship you off to the lab to be tested. Ha. I knew there wasn’t something right about you.
Want to know what else was serendipitous? My dermatologist told me they are shutting down. So she wouldn’t have been able to remove you if I had waited for my annual skin check. I love cool timing like that.
There was also another wonderful thing about that day. I decided to check in about my medical bills. I’ve received bills in the mail for $1,000 plus for my skin cancer stuff. I decided I would just go ahead and pay for it. I waited until after you were removed, because I didn’t need to deal with something so stressful right before I had you lopped off.
So I went to the reception, bandaid on my forehead, and they notified me I owed $1.27. ONE DOLLAR and TWENTY-SEVEN CENTS. Apparently insurance decided to cover it after all. I had them print the receipt so I could hang it on my wall. It fills me with joy every time I look at it.
From the beginning, you have brought me unexpected things. You brought me the early detection of skin cancer on my breast. And now you’ve brought me the great news that I didn’t have to pay for that.
Thank you for what you did for me. I hope that wherever you are, you’re happy in your little container and can live out a peaceful life there. It won’t be as exciting as on my forehead, but at least you won’t be poked every day by me.
Take care old friend,
Follow up: The growth tested negative for any abnormalities and my forehead has recovered well.