A Letter to My Long Lost Lover: Coffee

Dear Coffee,

I miss you. It’s been a while now. So long that I’m no longer counting the days or months since we’ve been together.

It’s still so hard to believe. We started off so strong together. I was sitting in the mountains, contemplating my low energy. It was the pandemic and I was missing going to coffee shops, where I would sit and write.

It then occurred to me, I could buy a coffee pot. It was that simple. In you waltzed to my life. Every morning, I would drink you in and consume your beautiful smells.

Our love was something to behold. Sensual. Anticipated. Appreciated.

Sometimes I couldn’t get enough of you. So we’d even spend time together in the afternoon.

Illustration by Jackie Schuld

People always talk about you for your energy, but I never needed you for that. It was something about your bitter taste, combined with the sweet I’d pour in, and the sensory components of smell and heat. It was just the best way to start the day. It would make me excited to get out of bed.

This morning I awoke at 4:30 a.m. It was cold. My mind was alive, but I didn’t want to get out of bed. I thought about you and missed you. I knew if you were here, you would have motivated me to get out of bed.

But alas, you were not here. I do not even have a coffee pot anymore.

I don’t know when it really happened. Maybe you remember better when? I just recall starting to feel a little bit of acid reflux after drinking you. At first, I wasn’t sure it was you. How could that be after drinking you for months on end?

After much experimenting, it became clearer and clearer it was you. And the reaction to you also became stronger and stronger. I tried different accommodations - different brands. I even mixed it up by buying an espresso maker. Drinking you black. Changing the creamer. Nothing seemed to help.

It was clear you were causing me pain. It was very difficult to face that fact. I didn’t want to. It meant I would need to part with you. And parting with you meant I would also have to part with the good.

But I eventually did it. Now, even the thought of you brings up a feeling of sickness and acid reflux. I cannot do it.

And yet, I have not found a replacement for you. No one has come in and filled me with the same sensual love you did.

I’ve tried. Hot Cocoa. Warm Tea. Matcha. Many other “fake” coffee variations. It’s just not the same. It will never be the same again. That is just something I have to accept - like the other beloved people who are gone from my life.

So I wanted you to know you are not forgotten, and this hasn't been easy for me. It seems like you were able to move on quite quickly. I hope it’s a better relationship.

I miss you, my love,

Jackie

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