I’m waiting for your resurgence in my life.
I’m currently concluding with all of my in-person therapy clients as I prepare to move across the country. That process takes a lot of you.
So maybe it’s not that I’m waiting for your resurgence. You’re already here in great force. I’m waiting for you to be freed up and diverted to other things.
It takes a lot of you to say goodbye to my clients. It takes a lot of you to plan for my move. There’s also an awful lot of decision-making, and you know that requires you.
Not to mention, since I am leaving, my clients want to see me more than normal. My friends and family want to see me more often. Everything requires more energy - more you.
It can make it a little difficult to wake up in the morning when I know there’s so much to get through and I’m going to be left feeling tired. Even the things I enjoy can feel draining. This is natural when my energy reserves are so low.
Which is why I’m so excited for when you get diverted back to normal things! When I can wake up with the enthusiasm to write essays and see where the day takes me.
There is barely any time to see where the day takes me now. There is so much to do or that I could be doing in preparation for moving that it doesn’t hold the same freeness. It’s hard to hold the freedom of possibilities when so many “shoulds” are looming over me.
You know very well that the shoulds require a lot of you too. It takes a lot of effort to keep track of the ever-growing list of to-dos.
I’m excited for when we are finally on the other side of the country, settled in, and wake up to a day with little to no plans. Can you imagine? Actually, all you need to do is remember. Our life is normally like this, but these changing times shifted that away from us. It’s necessary, I get it. It’s hard to not feel a little bitter though. It’s hard to enjoy or appreciate this period as I did others.
Maybe if you showed up in stronger force I could at least feel better as I move through all of this?
Is there anything I can do to encourage you to show up more? Or are all of my efforts to create more energy just burning more of you up?
Please let me know. And soon would be nice. Otherwise, I guess time will resolve it for the both of us.