I miss my mum daily.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of something I would like to tell my mum or see something that I know would make her laugh hysterically.
Sometimes I just brush it off, and sometimes I start to cry immediately.
When I start to cry because I miss her - or because of any reason - it gets particularly bad because then I just want to call my mother to comfort me.
One day at a time, I manage to live a life without my mum. However, looking into the future, it is unreal to me that I will not have my mother for the rest of my life.
While creating illustrations for my book, "Grief is a Mess," I made an illustration with armadillos to capture the sadness of missing someone.
Unfortunately, this illustration had to be cut from my book when I edited it from 70 pages down to 32.
I dedicated "Grief is a Mess" to my mum. While creating the dedication page, I debated using the armadillo illustration.
However, I didn't want to depress readers right away and I instead chose to capture the relationship I had with my mother through a happy whale and angler fish.
As I reflect on that choice, I realize that it mirrors how I move out of the sadness when I miss my mum. If I focus on all of the future events my mum won't be at with me, I start to crumble. However, when I remember the relationship I had with her and all of her fun, crazy personality that she infused into me, I am able to step out of the sadness.
I will miss my mum every day for the rest of my life. But I will try to step past the sadness to live my new life just as crazy and fun as my mum did.